


Left in the Dark

by Haleyb333



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 06:45:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6645712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haleyb333/pseuds/Haleyb333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Magnus and Alec's relationship comes to the next level, secrets long since left in the dark come to light. Can Magnus and Alec work to ensure they only strengthen their relationship? WARNING: THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN CONVERSATIONS ABOUT RAPE AND A PLOT HAVING TO DO WITH RAPE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN MENTIONS OF RAPE AND CONVERSATIONS ABOUT RAPE. THE PLOT ITSELF WILL BE CENTERED HEAVILY AROUND RAPE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
> 
> So, I know that a lot of you will likely wonder why I am writing this story. The only thing I have to say is that I have had this idea for a long time. I'm finally deciding to write it because I wish to challenge myself as an author and to push the limits of what I think I can and can't write. That being said, if you are made uncomfortable by the idea of this, do not read it. I will continue to write and post this story for my own purposes.
> 
> As always, feel free to come talk to me about this and share your thoughts and feelings, but know that I am not writing this with any intention other than that of challenging myself.

Alec woke up gasping for air and knew he had to get out of the room no matter what. He turned to look at Magnus, who was lying peacefully beside of him, and tried to slow his rapid heartbeat. He tried to tell himself that he was fine, but before long, he had to turn away and get out of bed, doing everything in his power to keep from waking Magnus.

As Alec curled up on the couch and wrapped a blanket around himself, he couldn't help but wonder what he was actually doing. The problem was not in any way about Magnus, and he knew that, but he couldn't seem to allow himself to stay by Magnus's side any longer, even though he felt safe with Magnus. The entire idea of it was absolutely maddening, and it was an idea that made him want to run away from it all.

Earlier that day, he remembered, he had thought that he could not have been happier. He had spent the entire day with Magnus, sometimes finding that he slowly felt himself relaxing in a way that he rarely did. When Magnus had offered to let him spend the night, Alec had, for a reason that he would likely never understand, agreed. But now, in the silence of the night, he was beginning to wonder if he'd made a mistake.

Almost absently, Alec realized that he was shivering, and even though he knew it wasn't from being cold, he wrapped the blanket around him tighter. The reason he had woken up, the reason he had to get out of bed had absolutely nothing to do with Magnus, but rather the fact that he found himself having a dream he hadn't had in years, and he wasn't entirely sure what to make of it.

Alec leaned over to put his head in his hands, almost feeling angry with himself for it. Why, after all this time, would the things that had haunted him for so long come back to haunt him once more? Why, when he had finally found comfort and happiness, would his mind decide to bring up the one thing that could ruin everything for him?

After several minutes of deep breathing, Alec felt his heartrate begin to slow. Several minutes after that, he decided that going back to bed would be the best course of action, seeing as he didn't exactly relish the thought of talking to Magnus about exactly why he was out of bed in the first place. Slipping back into bed beside of Magnus, Alec felt strangely comforted, which didn't make any sense to him at all, so he closed his eyes and let himself relax, shoving his thoughts aside and letting his body sink into the sleep it so desperately wanted.  
.  
.  
.  
Magnus didn't really know exactly what he was doing, all he knew was that he was on autopilot, far more driven by his emotions than anything his mind had to say to him at the moment. For a reason that Magnus didn't truly understand, he had just asked Alec to move in with him. They were six months into their relationship, and he had simply asked with no warning to even himself.

They had spent the day together, doing things that Alec himself had planned, which was such a surprising change to Magnus that he couldn't do anything other than allow himself to forget about everything going on around him that didn't include Alec. Since Alec had planned the entire day, Magnus had taken it upon himself to make, magic free, dinner. It was over dinner that Magnus had suddenly found himself asking Alec to move in, and he couldn't even begin to fathom why.

For a few very long moments, Magnus couldn't help but thinking that Alec was going to tell him no. Finally, a smile began to creep across Alec's face, and he simply began nodding, causing Magnus to find a smile on his face as well. Magnus didn't know exactly what had prompted him to ask, but considering the fact that Alec had said yes, he was prepared to leave it unquestioned.

After dinner, Magnus found himself suddenly unable to keep his eyes off of Alec, which wasn't too much of a strange thing considering that it happened more often than he would care to admit. Instead of taking the time to clean up, Magnus snapped his fingers and set the kitchen clean once more. He got up from his seat at the table and reached out a hand to Alec, leading him back to the bedroom and quickly turning around to wrap his arms around Alec.

Magnus would have gotten entirely lost in their kiss if it hadn't been for the fact that he noticed how hesitant Alec was to kiss him at first. It was something that he'd noticed several times, but he'd refrained from bringing it up, knowing that Alec was sometimes uncomfortable with himself in general. Half of the time, it seemed to him as though Alec had to work himself up to being able to become intimate with Magnus in any way. It was as though he had to tell himself that things were fine before he could actually allow himself to relax enough to be with Magnus.

It was something that Magnus had always simply chalked up to the fact that this was Alec's first relationship. He knew that Alec was slowly becoming comfortable with both his life and their relationship, so he tried to give Alec the space that he needed, tried to be as understanding as possible. Knowing that it had been far too long since his first relationship, Magnus tried to remind himself that he only halfway knew what Alec was feeling.

At this particular moment, however, Magnus couldn't help but realize that Alec was much more hesitant than usual. Sensing this, he slowed himself down as much as possible, letting Alec know that he was allowed to take control. As Alec turned toward the bed, Magnus tried to remind himself that he and Alec had only gone so far, that Alec was likely still weary because he'd never had sex. Magnus closed his eyes, trying to slow himself down and tell himself that he couldn't allow himself to get too lost in Alec's touch.

For a while, he let Alec encompass him, suddenly finding it very hard to distinguish where he ended and Alec began. Being with Alec so intimately was like taking a deep breath after a lifetime of breathing through a straw, and Magnus found himself wanting to breathe deeper and deeper. Just as Magnus began to slide his hand further up Alec's leg, however, Alec pulled back from their kiss, his breath ragged.

"Magnus," he halfway breathed. "Magnus, I need to stop. Please." Despite absolutely everything that his body currently wanted, Magnus forced himself to pull away from Alec, the pain in Alec's voice far too apparent. For a few moments, they sat completely still, Magnus looking down at Alec with open concern as he sat on the bed, his hands pushing against Magnus's chest. Before Magnus could figure out anything that he could do or say, Alec abruptly pushed himself away, quickly moving off the bed and out of the room.

Magnus allowed several minutes to pass before he followed Alec into the living room. This was mostly due to the fact that he was trying to work through everything that had just happened in his own mind. If Magnus had thought for a moment that Alec had simply been uncomfortable with the thought of having sex, he likely would have left it alone. But the look in Alec's eyes when he pushed himself off of the bed told Magnus that it was much more than that, so he made sure he was fully clothed once more before picking up the rest of Alec's clothes and following him out of the bedroom.

When Magnus saw Alec seated on the couch, curled up almost as tightly as possible, he knew that the situation was much worse than he had initially thought. He walked over to the couch and placed Alec's clothes on the back of it before making his way to the kitchen. When Magnus returned to the living room, he sat on the opposite end of the couch and held out a mug full of hot chocolate to Alec. Alec tried to smile weakly as he took the mug, but Magnus could easily see how hard that was for him to do.

"It's not that I don't want to have sex with you, Magnus," Alec said before Magnus had time to think of how he was going to go about the conversation before him. "Trust me, that's not it at all." The way Alec's voice wavered made Magnus want nothing more than to wrap Alec in his arms and hold him until the pain went away, but considering the current circumstances, Magnus knew that was the last thing he needed to do.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Alexander," Magnus said, trying to keep his voice as light and even as possible. He didn't exactly want to have this conversation either, but he knew they had to have it. "But I do have a question for you." He waited until Alec nodded to continue.

"Have you been-" Magnus paused abruptly, having absolutely no idea how to properly phrase his question. "Did someone-" he almost groaned in frustration. "Were you-" when Magnus paused once more, he was surprised to see Alec look over at him with the slightest smile on his face. Before Magnus could attempt to rephrase his question again, Alec asked a question of his own. His question was so simple, or at least it should have been, but the fact that he was finishing Magnus's own question hit Magnus much harder than he had imagined it could. "Raped?"


	2. Chapter 2

It took several moments for Magnus to respond in any way, but Alec remained silent the entire time, allowing what he had just said to sink in. He didn't think that what he had said could ever quite actually properly or completely sink in, but he hoped that Magnus would be able at least process in some way.

The only problem was that the longer Alec waited for Magnus to speak, the more anxious he became. It was very easy for him to worry that Magnus was going to think of him different because of what he'd just admitted. It was like his heart was telling him that Magnus would never think any differently of him for it but his mind was telling him that he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life. He began to find it hard to breathe just as Magnus finally spoke again.

"Alexander," he began, and Alec could hardly stand just how gentle Magnus's voice really was. "Under no circumstance do we have to talk about this unless that's exactly what you want to do." For a moment, Alec was slightly surprised that this was what Magnus had said. He had almost expected Magnus to begin to ask him questions, but Magnus was doing just the opposite, and he really didn't have any idea why Magnus seemed to know exactly what not to do.

"No, Magnus," he said after several more moments of deep thought. "I think it's something that I need to do; I need to allow myself to tell someone." Magnus moved his hand as though he was going to reach over to take hold of Alec's, but then he seemed to think better of it, and he placed it on his leg. Without much thought at all, Alec reached over to take hold of Magnus's hand, flashing a weak smile as he did so.

It took a few more moments, but Alec finally took a deep breath and began in the only way he knew how. "I was twelve," he began, looking down at his hand in Magnus's. "Someone thought it was a good idea to allow Jace and I to go out on a patrol on our own, and we got separated. The next thing I knew my way was blocked by three warlocks I'd never met before." Alec knew he couldn't bear to look Magnus in the eye, so he kept his eyes steadily trained on their hands. "I'd always been taught to never engage with any Downworlder on my own, so I tried to go around them, I tried my hardest to ignore them."

Alec had to take another deep breath when he felt Magnus squeeze his hand. He knew he just needed to say a bit more, but what was left was the hardest part. "Just as I had almost gotten around them, they knocked me out with their magic, and then I woke up in a house that was completely unknown to me." Alec closed his eyes for a few moments, willing himself to go on but feeling himself break on the inside at the same time.

What wasn't helping Alec in any way was the fact that he was currently reliving almost every moment of it. For a few moments, he tried to focus on the feeling of Magnus's hand wrapped around his, but that only seemed to make things worse. He swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in his throat, telling himself that Magnus would never hurt him before continuing. "I only really sort of knew what they were doing to me. I mean, I had a basic understanding of sex, but what twelve-year-old is really capable of understanding what rape is? The fact that they were experimenting with their magic didn't really help my understanding of it either."

Alec didn't need to look up at Magnus to know that his expression was filled with pain and sympathy. "When they were done with me," Alec continued, his voice suddenly becoming very bitter. "They tied me up and made it seem like they'd just kidnapped me. I guess they knew Dad was already tracking me, and when he and Jace got there, they portaled out. I let them think that I was fine. I couldn't ever bring myself to tell anyone." At that, Alec finally did look up into Magnus's eyes. "Until now," he finished, the weight of what he'd just said finally hitting him.

Suddenly, Alec felt an anxiety bubbling up inside of him that he hadn't felt in a long time. Without waiting for Magnus to respond, he got up from the couch, all but sprinting toward the bathroom. He shut the door and quickly leaned over the toilet, feeling as though his insides were going to be outside at any moment. After a few minutes of just standing there, Alec finally slid down to the floor and put his head in his hands.

He became slightly nervous when he heard footsteps coming toward the door, but he was too tired to try to do anything about it. The door creaked open just a few inches, and Alec thought he was going to have to ask Magnus to leave, but he was surprised to see the Chairman come in instead. Despite all logic, Alec seemed to understand that the cat was trying to comfort him. The way the Chairman began rubbing up against him and trying to get in his lap, Alec could easily tell that he understood just how upset Alec was.

What felt to Alec like an hour later, he finally picked himself up off of the bathroom floor, deciding that he had to face what was in front of him no matter how badly he wanted to run away from it. When he walked out into the hallway, he almost tripped over Magnus, who was sitting on the floor outside of the door. "Magnus? What are you doing?" he asked as Magnus began to stand up.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," he replied. "But I didn't really know how to do that so I sent the Chairman in. But I couldn't make myself leave." Alec wanted to hug Magnus, but he knew that was possibly the worst idea he'd ever had. Magnus seemed to sense this, and he turned and lead the way back into the living room, once again sitting down in a way that left ample space between the two of them. It struck Alec once more that Magnus seemed to know exactly what to do, but he didn't have the energy to question it.

"I do have another question, Alexander," Magnus said, his voice tight and controlled. "More about us than anything else." Alec simply nodded, unable to think of what Magnus could possibly want to ask him. "You said it was warlocks," he began, careful about the words he was choosing. "I was just wondering how you had it in you to ever even begin to date me."

Alec was caught off guard by this question, mostly because it was something that he had thought about quite a bit. The problem was that it was something he still didn't really know the answer to. He sighed and leaned back a little, beginning to speak without really thinking of what he was saying. "I've always sort of thought that maybe my heart knew something that my mind didn't know when it came to you." Alec couldn't help but be amused at the look of surprise Magnus gave him.

"Don't get me wrong, you terrified me when we first met. It took me a long time to become comfortable, mostly with your magic." Alec felt himself calming down even more, but he knew from experience that almost anything could change that in a second. "But I found myself almost intrigued by you, and then suddenly I found myself at your doorstep asking you out. And let me tell you, my inner monologue on the way home that day was an absolute mess, but did I ever regret it? No. Will I ever regret it? Not likely. Did I want to kick myself as soon as I knocked on your door? Most definitely."

The way Magnus smiled at that made Alec's heart flutter despite itself. He was overwhelmed by the entirely confusing feeling of wanting to wrap himself in Magnus's arms while wanting Magnus to stay as far away from him as possible. He watched as Magnus got up from the couch and reached for Chairman Meow. "Well, Alexander, I think I am going to sleep in one of the spare rooms tonight."

At first, Alec thought of telling Magnus that he didn't need to do that, but the longer he looked at Magnus, the more he realized that it was entirely possible that he really did need to do that. "Just promise me that you will tell me if you need anything," he said, turning toward the hallway as Alec got up as well. "Also," he said, pausing about halfway to the spare room. "I need you to know that you can certainly tell me what to do and what not to do. If I step out of line at all, correct me without thinking. We both know that I can be a bit forward," he said, turning back toward the door with a wink that left Alec sighing with relief.  
.  
.  
.  
Early in the morning, Alec rolled over in bed only to be woken up by the fact that Magnus wasn't by his side. After several minutes of going back and forth in his mind, Alec got up and walked across the hall to the spare room that Magnus was in. The door squeaked as he entered, waking Magnus up. "Alexander? Is something wrong?" Magnus asked, the fact that he had been deep in sleep evident in his voice.

"I woke up and you weren't there," Alec replied, sliding in to bed next to Magnus. He made sure that they didn't touch, and Magnus seemed to realize this because he scooted over to make more room for the two of them. Alec sighed, trying to steady his breathing, trying to remind himself that Magnus loved him. Before long, he could tell by Magnus's own breathing that Magnus was asleep once again.

Alec closed his eyes and allowed the sound of Magnus's steady breathing to wash over him. He knew it was going to take a lot of work to get back to where they were before that night. The fact that he had relived it so many times just that night told him as much. But he set that aside for the moment, finally feeling sleep wash over him, and silently hoping that he could deal with that when the time came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter might be up tonight if I get it done in a few minutes!  
> Let me know your thoughts!


	3. Chapter 3

Magnus was having one of those internal monologues that he often found himself having where Alec was concerned. Last night, he'd gotten an invitation to a Downworlder meeting that was held every ten years or so. It always ended up being more of a party than a meeting, with all the formal nonsense and such, but it had become the warlock's and vampire's way of keeping up with one another, so Magnus generally made it a point to at least make an appearance at it.

This year, however, was different. He generally wanted to take whoever he was with at the time as his date, but taking Alec seemed to be out of the question. He and Alec were still working to make their relationship comfortable once again, and Magnus didn't want to make things any harder than they had to be by asking Alec to go to a place he would be surrounded by warlocks he didn't know. Not to mention the fact that Camille would likely be there as well, and he wanted to avoid her at all costs, especially when Alec was involved.

When Alec entered the room, Magnus knew that the mistake he was making by sitting there looking at the invitation was a grave one. When Alec asked what he was looking at, all he could do was hide the invitation and choke out "Nothing." But of course, this only made things worse, and he knew there was no way around telling Alec now.

"It's just some Downworlder together, Alexander. I don't think I'm going to go this time around, too fancy and pretentious for me." Magnus could tell that Alec was automatically suspicious of this. Alec raised an eyebrow, but he remained silent for a few moments. Magnus knew he was done for when Alec finally asked why he wasn't planning on going.

"Well," Magnus began, trying to stall for time until he could figure out what to say. Eventually, he figured that he might as well be truthful because he knew Alec would figure things out in the end. "I just wasn't sure that you would want to accompany me as my date, so I thought that we could just stay in that night and have a little date of our own. It would be much better, really."

Alec eyed Magnus for several more seconds, and Magnus became frustrated at the fact that he couldn't read Alec's expression. "I think we should go, Magnus," Alec finally responded, his voice slow and careful. When Magnus's face scrunched up in confusion, Alec continued. "Not only do I want you to be able to go because I know you genuinely want to and you just think I'd be uncomfortable, but think about the message it would send, Magnus. We've both said that we want our relationship to make a difference in Shadowhunter-Downworlder relations, so why not go and make a point like this?"

Magnus knew he was trapped when he had no answer to that question. He hated to admit that Alec was right, but the message they would send by going together would be just the message they had both wanted to send since they had gotten together. "Fine, Alexander. We'll go, but if you feel uncomfortable at any moment, we'll leave immediately."  
.  
.  
.  
It was hard to admit that the night was going rather well seeing as Magnus was so set against Alec going in the first place. Sure, at first, Alec being there had caused a bit of a mess, but once the majority of the people had gotten used to the idea, things had died down considerably. After Magnus had somehow convinced Alec to dance with him, Alec had spent most of the night with Ragnor and Raphael, somehow getting along with the two grumpiest people in the world. Magnus had spent the rest of the night going back and forth between people he needed to visit with for one reason or another and Alec.

From the amount of smiling Alec had done from the time they had stepped onto the dance floor to the present moment, Magnus had to admit that maybe this hadn't been such a terrible idea. The night had seemed to actually help Alec relax instead of making him uncomfortable as Magnus had thought it would have. Not to mention the fact that Alec looked absolutely stunning. Plus, there had been no sign of Camille, so Magnus was counting the entire night as a small little victory of his own.

"Hey, Magnus," Ragnor said, breaking Magnus out of his thoughts. "How on earth did you end up with someone so decidedly out of your league?" The only thing Magnus could think to do was make a face at Ragnor, considering the fact that he couldn't really deny that Alec was far more than he deserved. He couldn't help but wonder at how Alec had seemed to soften Ragnor and Raphael. He was fairly certain Alec had made them smile more in an hour or so than he'd seen them smile in over a century.

"Woah there, Ragnor," Alec began, his voice clothed in mischief. "I'm only slightly out of Magnus's league, not so badly that even strangers notice it, you know?" Magnus forced himself to keep from laughing. He would not give the three of them that satisfaction.

After a few more minutes, Alec got up, saying that he needed some air and heading for the balcony. "He adjusts really well," Raphael said as soon as Alec was out of earshot. "I thought he would be much more uncomfortable." Magnus only inclined his head, admitting that he had thought the very same thing.

Magnus didn't know how much time went by while Ragnor and Raphael began talking about something that didn't really interest him before Ragnor looked over in surprise. "Magnus, I don't like the look of that," he said, pointing to the exit that window that showed the balcony. It was easy to see that Alec wasn't the only one on the balcony, and Magnus didn't like the way Alec was holding himself.

Before Ragnor could say anything else, Magnus was out of his chair and halfway to the door. The situation he found on the balcony was far worse than he might have imagined. Alec was huddled by the edge of the balcony, facing the two warlocks that were obviously cornering him. Yet, somehow, the worst part of the situation was the fact that Camille was also on the balcony, and Magnus could only imagine why.

Magnus immediately pushed past the three of them to get to Alec's side. They didn't scare him in any way, he could hold his own against Camille, but Alec was visibly uncomfortable. "Oh yay," Camille began, her voice full of the forced joy Magnus was utterly familiar with. "Magnus has joined the party. Now we can really have some fun."

Alec reached over to take hold of Magnus's hand, his grip much tighter than normal. It didn't take much more thinking before Magnus connected the dots and figured out that the warlocks were two of the ones who had raped Alec. They weren't anyone who Magnus knew personally; he just knew their faces from events such as this one. Magnus gave Alec's hand a squeeze, hoping that it would help to calm Alec down, but Magnus figured it didn't do anything at all.

"We're leaving now," Magnus said, his voice much more assertive than he thought it would have been. But as he tried to take a step forward, Camille moved in front of them. Magnus could feel Alec tense up even more. "Get out of the way, Camille," Magnus continued. "I will remove you from our way."

Camille's laugh made chills run down Magnus's spine. "Oh, I don't think so, Magnus. It seems like Alec has a lot of catching up to do with these two." Magnus couldn't help but think about how the warlocks were letting Camille do the talking for them. They were the kind of people Camille loved to control because it was so easy for her to do so. She was likely the entire reason they were even cornering Alec in the first place.

When Magnus spoke up once more, he turned his comment to the warlocks, attempting to appeal to the fact that he was more powerful than the average warlock that was there that night. "If you know anything about me, I would not agitate me in any way." This seemed to shift their mentality quite a bit, seeing as they began to look uncomfortable themselves. But Camille wasn't going to budge at all.

Before anyone could do anything else, Raphael was at the door, trying to look as casual as possible. "Camille, there's a situation that needs your attention with the Clan members." Magnus didn't have to ask to know that there was no real situation. He was just amazed that Raphael had actually come to the rescue before Magnus actually had to use his magic to get out of their own situation.

Camille shot them another smile as she moved toward Raphael. "One last thing, Magnus," she said, her voice betraying the fact that what she was about to say was going to strike a chord that Magnus did not want to think about in any way. "I think it's absolutely adorable that you're helping your little Shadowhunter here through the one thing that took you years to get over yourself. I'm so glad you've moved past that time of your life. Congratulations." The last thing Magnus was vaguely aware of before he zoned out from his own flood of emotions was the fact that Alec was looking at him with a mixture of surprise and confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know how you're feeling about this story!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I've updated this! Let me know your feelings about this chapter! I think there will only be one more chapter after this but I'm not entirely sure yet!

Alec was far angrier than he knew he should be. He was currently at the Institute, attempting to take out his anger on the punching bag instead of on Magnus. Punching the bag was a much better option to another argument with Magnus, so he'd been in the training room for over an hour. He studiously ignored Jace when he came in the room, but he knew that soon Jace would break his silence soon, and he wasn't looking forward to that.

Finally, Alec walked away from the punching bag to take a drink of water. Looking over at Jace, he couldn't help but break the silence himself. "Why are you sitting in here watching me, Jace?" he asked, his voice a little more on edge than he had intended it to be. He knew that Jace ignored the edge to his voice when Jace didn't react to it in any way, he simply responded to the question as though everything was normal.

"You never train this long, Alec, not anymore. There's something wrong and I would simply like to know what it is." Alec had known this was coming, but he had kept from thinking about it for weeks. Magnus had tried telling him that he needed to talk to his family about what had happened, but he couldn't bring himself to do that, and now Jace was picking up on the things only Jace ever could. "There's something going on, and it's been going on for weeks. Alec, I just want you to talk to me, that's all."

Alec sighed and took a seat on the floor, knowing that Jace wouldn't let him out of the conversation for anything. "I hate how well you know me," he said, earning the flash of a smile from Jace as he sat down beside of Alec on the floor. "Magnus and I are just going through a lot right now, that's all," Alec said, knowing that that would not get him out of anything at all.

"If you want to talk about it, you know that I'm here," Jace said, much more gently than Alec had expected. Jace seemed to be picking up on the fact that what was going on meant much more to Alec than the average thing did. At that moment, Alec heard Magnus's voice in the back of his mind gently reminding him that telling his family would give him more closure as well as more support. Alec knew Magnus was right; he'd thought about it a lot. He was just afraid that Jace would think of him differently, which he could even understand was slightly irrational of him.

"There's something I need to tell you, Jace," he said, wishing that he could skip this part of the conversation and simply make Jace understand what he wanted to tell him. He took his time in telling Jace what had happened, and he was surprised to see that Jace listened with much more calmness than usual. No jokes, no interruptions at all. Just his attention to what Alec was saying, and Alec was infinitely thankful for that.

When he had explained everything up to the fact that he and Magnus were now arguing because Magnus wouldn't talk to him about Camille's comment, Jace sat in silence for several long moments. Alec began fidgeting, feeling as though Jace might say something to prove Alec's fears that he never should have told anyone.

"Alexander," Jace said slowly, obviously trying to choose his words carefully. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's certainly not your fault. I'm not going to pretend that I understand because I certainly don't. But you know that if there's anything I can do for you, you can tell me exactly what that is and I'll do it." For several more moments, Alec simply stared at Jace, the reality of what Jace said taking a while to sink in.

He'd expected Jace to at least be angry that he had kept it from him for so long. But the fact that Jace had taken every part of it so well, the fact that Jace had simply shown his support and nothing more gave Alec a sense of peace that he hadn't felt in years. "As for Magnus," Jace continued, prompted by Alec's silence. "Don't push him to talk to you. When he wants to talk about whatever happened, he'll talk. When that happens, just be there for him the way he was there for you. That's all you really can do, Alec."

Alec smiled at Jace's surprise when he reached over for a quick hug before springing up from the floor. "I have to go home," he said, his voice much faster than it had been before. "Thank you for everything; we'll pick this up again soon," he added as he was heading out of the door.

"Magnus, we need to talk," Alec said as soon as he'd walked back into their apartment. He held up a hand as Magnus opened his mouth, knowing that the other man likely thought he was going to argue about their situation again. "No, not like that, just listen please," Alec continued, taking a seat beside of Magnus on the couch. "I just wanted to apologize for trying to force you to talk to me. When you're ready, I'll listen, but until then, I'll stop asking."

Alec smiled when Magnus reached to pull him in for a hug. "Thank you," was all that Magnus said, his voice very soft and shaky. They stayed like that for the majority of the day, talking about anything and everything and yet somehow nothing at all. This time, however, Alec didn't mind that they weren't addressing the situation. Jace had put his mind at ease, and he understood that the fact that he and Magnus were together was all he needed.  
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When Magnus woke up from a nightmare, Alec had no idea what he should attempt to do for him. He watched as Magnus got up and headed toward the living room after sitting in silence for several moments. He thought about lying back down, but he found himself getting up as well, his feet moving him toward the living room as well.

Almost as soon as Alec sat down beside of Magnus on the couch, Magnus began speaking. "Alexander, I think it's time we have that talk," he said, his eyes trained on the floor, his voice very far away. Alec remained silent, knowing that Magnus would keep speaking when he was ready. "I'm afraid my story is nothing like yours," he said, seemingly unconsciously moving to take Alec's hand.

"I've never told anyone about it either, Alec. The reason Camille knows is because she's the one who raped me." Magnus stopped and took a deep breath; Alec gave his hand an encouraging squeeze. "You didn't know your attackers. I loved mine." Alec swallowed the lump in his throat that formed at the pain in Magnus's voice. "I can't decide which is worse. But neither makes it any less disgusting."  
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When Magnus turned toward him, Alec was pained to see that his eyes were shimmering. There was so much that Alec wanted to say, but he remained silent, knowing that listening was all he needed to do at the moment. "She decided that I was lying when I told her I didn't want to have sex with her that night," Magnus said, the sorrow in his voice deepening at the memory.

"I have a policy of never using magic against people I love," he continued, finally lifting his eyes up toward Alec. "She knew that, and she knew that a vampire would be no match for me without magic. Especially not when I was so unwilling to hurt her. I look back on it now and I know that that was a stupid thing. The love I felt for her, my unwillingness to hurt her. It was all so foolish of me."

Alec spoke up then, unable to keep silent any longer. "It wasn't foolish of you, Magnus," he said, his voice soft from the sympathy that even he himself could hear. "You love with all your heart, there's no shame in that." Magnus flashed a weak smile in Alec's direction at that, showing Alec that it was unlikely would feel that way for some time yet.

"Thank you, Alexander," he said, his voice catching ever so slightly. "There's just one problem left," he said, and Alec couldn't force himself to speak up enough to ask what that was. "Camille is now saying she needs to meet with us. I'm too scared of what she'll do if we refuse. I don't know what this is about, but it's certainly not a housewarming visit."


	5. Chapter 5

Alec mumbled to himself as he hung up the phone, avoiding Magnus's worried gaze. The last thing he wanted to do was allow Magnus to go see Camille by himself, but Alec knew that that was the very thing that was about to happen. He knew it wasn't his fault that Jace was about to go out on a mission and needed backup. He knew that Jace had no idea they'd planned to see Camille that night. But that didn't keep Alec from getting angry with both himself and Jace.

After explaining what was going on, Alec knew he was not going to calm down for the rest of the night. "You mean you won't possibly consider postponing this so that I can go with you?" he asked, his voice a couple of octaves higher than it normally was. "You won't wait until we can both go and make things safer?" he finished, his voice softening slightly at the thought of wanting to protect Magnus.

"I'm way ahead of you, Alexander," Magnus replied, his voice casual in a way that Alec knew was forced. "Jace called earlier and I was the one who answered, so I knew you were going to be needed elsewhere. I've already asked Raphael if he could simply sit in on this conversation." Magnus held up a hand as Magnus began to protest. "He didn't ask any questions, and he knew he didn't need to. I trust Raphael in the way I trust Ragnor. Now go get your gear on or you're going to be late."  
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Walking into the Dumort was like living a nightmare for Magnus, and having Raphael by his side did not help the situation in the slightest. He knew Raphael was holding himself back, he knew that Raphael was forcing himself to keep from asking what was going on. And Magnus was terribly thankful for that. Raphael simply lead him to Camille in silence, and Magnus kept from breaking it.

Magnus stopped short when Raphael indicated the room that Camille was in, his hand remaining on the door. Raphael looked at him curiously, his eyes asking the question that he didn't dare speak aloud. "It's nothing, Raphael. I'm fine." The problem was that Magnus wasn't sure whether or not he was saying this to convince Raphael that he was fine or if he was saying it to convince himself.

Raphael looked at him for several seconds, obviously wanting to dig deeper. "I'll be in there as long as you are," was all that he said. Magnus looked at him for several more moments before finally pushing the door open, completely surprised by how Raphael was handling the entire situation. He had known that Raphael cared, but it wasn't as though Raphael had ever actually shown it.

"Is your little Shadowhunter boy toy not coming?" Camille asked as soon as Magnus walked into the room. Just the sound of her voice caused chills to run down Magnus's spine. The last thing Magnus wanted was to show Camille that she'd gotten to him in any way, but he knew that she knew him terribly well, so hiding anything from her would be a challenge.

Magnus watched as Raphael took a seat in the corner, doing a horrible job of pretending to not be there. "He's not a toy, Camille. No matter what you think about my relationship with Alexander, being with him is not a game to me." Magnus leveled his eyes with Camille's, knowing that if he looked away he would be admitting defeat in one way or another.

"You say that when others are around," Camille responded, not skipping a beat. Her voice was so cheerful that it made Magnus sick. "But how do you really feel, Magnus? Why are you really with this boy? Is it because he's a Shadowhunter? Think that some sort of political alliance will keep you safe and secure your place in the Shadow world? Simply tired of the same old thing and want something exotic for once?" The longer she went on, the angrier Magnus became. He could feel it welling up inside of him, and he knew from experience that he wasn't likely to be able to stop it.

"Have you ever considered the idea that I actually love Alexander?" he asked, his voice as tight and controlled as it could possibly be. "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, for once in my life I've actually found a compassionate person I care about who cares about me as well?" Camille lifted her chin in the way that Magnus knew all too well.

She considered this for several moments, an eerie smile on her face. "I have definitely considered the idea that maybe you're with him because the sex is just oh so good," she spit at him. Magnus knew that he flinched away from that; he didn't try to hide it, he didn't so much as attempt to stop it. What he did do was force himself to keep from looking at Raphael, knowing that Raphael was likely looking at him with a mixture of confusion and pity.

"Oh," Camille cooed. "So I'm wrong about that one, am I? No sex, huh? I wonder why that would be." Magnus found it in himself to look back up at her then, driven mostly by anger. He wished he had the strength to turn around and leave, but he was frozen in place.

"My sex life," he said, every word sounding like its own sentence. "Is none of your business." He looked at Raphael then, and he saw exactly what he had expected on Raphael's face. "Now either tell me exactly why you called me here or I'm going to leave. I have much better things to do than to bicker with you all night."

Camille smiled again, her smile far too unsettling to Magnus. "Oh, you have much better things to do," she repeated, hatred dripping from every word. "But that does not include your boyfriend, apparently." When Magnus turned to leave, finally finding the strength to leave, she sprung up from her seat, blocking Magnus's way to the door before he even knew what was happening.

Magnus reacted instinctively, lashing out with magic before he knew what he was doing. The only problem was that she was too fast for him, and her vampire reflexes allowed her to move out of his way as though it was nothing. Magnus had the fleeting thought that it was possibly because she knew him so well that she was able to predict what he was going to do, but he tamped that down as quickly as possible. "You know you can't hurt me, Magnus. You won't allow yourself to," Camille said, flashing her fangs in a way that told Magnus she meant every word.

When Camille moved toward him once more, Magnus realized she was right. She knew he would never move to hurt her, no matter how much he wanted to. As Camille's hand struck the side of his face, Magnus thought in passing of the fact that he had no idea where Raphael was when Camille was pulled away from him at an unbelievable rate. Magnus had barely reached up to touch where Camille had hit him when Alec had Camille pinned against the wall.

"He may not hurt you," Alec said, his voice barely more than a growl. "But I certainly have absolutely no qualms about it." Magnus blinked slowly as he realized that Alec had his seraph blade against Camille's throat. "Touch him again, and I'll kill you." Alec's voice was horribly final, and Magnus knew he meant exactly what he was saying.

The most confusing thing was that Camille began laughing, but Magnus knew that it was her way of seeming as though she didn't care, even when she cared quite a bit. "You won't hurt me, little archer boy," she replied, causing Alec to push the blade harder into her throat. "Even if you would, that's not something you want to do." Alec raised an eyebrow in confusion, but Magnus beat him to an understanding.

"Alexander, please," he said, his voice surprising him as it was much softer than he thought it would be. "You're not a murderer. Drop the blade, love." Something seemed to change in Alec when Magnus began speaking. He seemed to relax ever so slightly, his shoulders relaxing and his grip on his seraph blade loosening.

Alec whirled around and stepped out of Camille's reach more quickly than Magnus would have thought possible. He immediately came to Magnus's side, putting a hand to Magnus's face and gently turning his head to see the bruise that was already forming from Camille's hit. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice far softer than it had been before. Magnus could only find it in himself to nod, the energy drained out of him.  
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Magnus didn't speak the entire way home. Or an hour after they had gotten home. He was surprised as he watched as Alec sat him down on the couch, brought him his favorite blanket and made him hot tea, somehow knowing exactly what he needed. He sat down on the couch at a safe distance from Magnus, and he simply sat in silence, something that Magnus infinitely appreciated. "Alexander?" he asked, his voice vacant. "Why did you come?" The question seemed as though it should be obvious, but he couldn't figure it out in any way.

Alec smiled and gently reached for Magnus's hand. "I could tell that you were wondering where Raphael went, but Raphael went to call me. He couldn't exactly step in himself and remain safe from a Clan standpoint, so he got me on the phone instead." Magnus smiled at that, idly wondering how he'd ended up with someone as wonderful as Alec. "Your safety was much more important to me than any mission will ever be. You know that, Magnus."

At that, Magnus couldn't take the separation any longer. His heartrate increased, but he ignored that and reached for Alec anyway. Alec responded reluctantly, clearly looking for any sign that he needed to back away from Magnus. "The only thing I need right now is you, Alexander," he said, leaning into Alec's touch in the gentlest way possible.

The sat together for what felt to Magnus like hours, and yet somehow it still didn't seem like enough. He smiled when Alec leaned over to kiss his forehead. "I can't promise you the world, Magnus, but I can promise you my heart," Alec said, and Magnus could hear the love that was drowning his voice. For several moments, Magnus didn't know how to react.

Then Magnus found himself slowly leaning toward Alec, cautiously looking for consent from Alec. When Alec responded by leaning in as well, Magnus finally allowed himself to kiss Alec. It was the gentlest kiss they had ever shared, but Magnus could feel the love radiating from it, and he knew that he had never kissed, and would never kiss, anyone else in that way. When they broke apart, Magnus leaned in once more so that their foreheads were still touching, their eyes locked, Magnus knowing that his own eyes were soft with love. "Your heart is more than I could ever ask for, Alexander."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this story! Please let me know your thoughts on it! I love hearing from you guys and comments always make my day!

**Author's Note:**

> Also, I don't know how many chapters this will have, I've written two so far, and I'll most likely work on the third tonight!  
> Let me know your thoughts please!


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